Friendship. · self-care

Who We Will Be Tomorrow

One of these days – breakfast with pancakes and a long conversation, a scary question and a handful of good answers and solid insights.

Thanks to a friend, I discovered new things about myself today. This happens pretty much everytime we talk, so I thought we should do this every week, but maybe, that’s a bit too revealing, personality-wise. I think it wouldn’t work that well after a while. ^^

But every so often, we come together and have a great conversation. We are very much alike, and such different people at the same time, which is unique and very refreshing. We know about each others’ plans and struggles and we are very open and honest with each other. It’s a matter of trust – and I don’t trust a whole lot of people so it’s a special relationship.

Just a few things I learned today:

Comfort is good, stagnation is not an option. I haven’t had a routine for 1 1/2 years now and it’s showing. I become comfortable in routines, which is why I fear them, but at the same time, my brain needs them. I need to start implementing daily routines into my life so that I can reach my goals.

Motivation is volatile, so I need to practise it. I am the most motivated person in the room if I want to be. This lasts for two days and then I fall into a hole and just want to sleep all day. I need to force myself to get up at the same time every day and reach small goals first, or else I will get nothing done in the next months.

The only person you can control is yourself, so mind your own business. I like to think through every possible horrifying scenario nobody else would even come up with. It doesn’t matter if I am motivated or not, my brain tries to micromanage every decision I make, every thought I ponder on, every move. On the other hand, I try to micromanage my relationships as well, analysing everything the other person says, trying to predict their next step, trying to influence it. But the only player I can move on the chess board is me. And from that position, I cannot influence the other players, I can just watch and react.

We don’t know what the future holds for us, but it’s not like we cannot do anything to shape it. I want to think about how to benefit my own goals, rather than thinking negatively about the things I cannot change anyways. I have to stop blaming other people and past incidents because they might have left an imprint, but they are not me.

I said that I don’t really know who I am. That my existence is shaped like a mosaique, made up of different images and opinions other people have of me. I want to present myself as a whole person, and the only way I can do that is to identify, respect and work on my own path.

Who am I going to be tomorrow? Who do I want to be tomorrow?

The best version of myself I can be. From now on, any day.

So be happy. Take a risk. Be grateful. Shine your own light.

 

 

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