Feminism · self-care

Lady Bug

My usual m.o. would be to pull the hem down. Tug on the sleeves, trying to discreetly adjust a part of the flimsy fabric.

I assumed I would be self-conscious about tnight’s fashion choice, though I love the dress and must have had at least some positive feelings while buying it. “It’s something else.” That’s what I thought initially. But change is good, right?

After reading up on attraction, selfesteem and body confidence, what I grasüed is the key term “awareness“. It’s not explixitly used in any – or let’s say most – of the lists and tricks on how to be a confident woman, but I deem it crucial.

YOU have to think: “Man, today, I am attractive/looking fantastic/fabulous” to exude the right energy. YOU have to be present and aware of who you are and which signal or message you are sending out at this moment.

Today, the second I stepped outside of my apartment, the tone for the night was set. No looking down on my phone, which I had tucked into my backpack, no pinning my eyes to the ground. What is there to see, anyways? 😉

I see a couple with a baby, waiting for the stop light to turn green. The woman is looking me up and down, but instead of getting defensive, asking myself if she judges my appearance – I smile at her and look away again. I won’t be bothered to check her reaction, it won’t make or break my night.

I always say that I don’t care, that I am not jealous, that I don’t compare myelf to other women anymore. The opposite is the truth and that’s okay. Everything in moderation. But the outcome of all this is seeking validation from an external source – and therefore you’re being a people-pleaser. I ‘ve said before that I am not like this anymore, but it’s not true, either. Just because I pretend not to care about what others may think upon sighting me doesn’t me that the feelings go away.

Instead, I am learning to appreciate that they think something, and acknowledge that their opinion of me doesn’t have to be positive or how I want it to be.

Nonetheless, I can change the way the see me, which aligns directly with the way I see myself. Usually, we take a look in the mirror to check something. Teeth, a strand of hair, does my butt look ig enough, are my eyes bright, is my nose coming of as normal-sized?

We check, evaluate, adjust. There is so much about myself that I can improve, though, and I am all for that because those things have got nothing do with my appearance.

  1. I can try and be more generous, compassionate and patient with strangers, and less of a harsh critic with myself.
  2. I can work on my posture and do more purposeful workouts, so I don’t suffer from self-inflicted neck pain all the time (Hello, desk job!).
  3. I can learn new skills and cultivate a new hobby.
  4. I can embrace my femininity, intuition and higher sensitivity in the workplace and in relationships instad of seeing them as a flaw.7

You would agree, when I say that I might have enough on my plate with all of that, right?Why would I also be bothered with checking up on my appearance, critizising and trying to constantly improve the raw material?

As I sit here on the train, weraing the most feminine thing I have in years, a vibrant red dress with black dots all over it, I feel beautiful. And I am coming to terms with believing that there is much more to that feeling than what I am wearing on my body right now.

Tell me ’bout an incident that taught you something about your own body and being confident ❤


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