I have been involved in two dating situations as of lately. Two totally different men, but the nature of the relationship, let’s put it that way, is casual. Yes, you talk about how crappy your day was sometimes or that you got a pay raise. But they aren’t really the first people you would want to call. It’s friendly, but casual.
There comes this creepy state, however, after a few dates, where things start to get comfortable and a bit too much too fast, we should acknowledge. He knows that I attend ballet on Fridays and will ask me about my achy feet, I remember that he has a family meeting on Sunday which he wasn’t looking forward to and send him a funny meme to cheer him up between Grandma’s boring tales and his Mom asking how he’s doing in college.
And here is where I need to stop. Disclaimer: I am not saying: Don’t care about each other and feel free to treat each other like strangers or like you don’t have feelings for one another if things start to get serious. But if they aren’t, CALM DOWN.
Also, I do not want to be rude. Read this as Michelle’s reminder to HERSELF, that she needs to calm down. And not make thinks more complicated.
Last Friday, I was sincerely waiting for a text of him to come in. I couldn’t focus at work, which really is convergent with my work ethic. I like to work and I like to do my stuff well, so I annoyed myself the most with my behaviour. I was waiting for him to answer my text. I wanted to be approved, liked, I craved his affection.
This is when an interesting thought came to my mind. I truly believe in this statement and please, feel free to disagree, but I feel that we should acknowledge that we don’t have the right to claim anyone’s affection when it comes to romantic relations or even friendships.
But he/she promised, he told me he likes me, she said I was special? Well, maybe he does and maybe you are, but that doesn’t mean that they have to validate you. And that’s what it is all about. This feeling is selfish and it is definitely not:I am in love with someone, I hope she/he reciprocates my feelings equally.
You want to be liked or loved by the person and I am the first one to put her hand up and plead guilty of this because it is not unnatural to feel that way. But I would not consider it healthy, to this extent.
If you think about affection like a gift, rather than an obligation, maybe it gets easier. I don’t know, I am currently working on my attitude towards this. Maybe you have to understand that your date/friend doesn’t need to text you back/go an that second date with you/see you exclusively. If it is supposed to happen, you will get together and be happy. If it doesn’t happen, it should be this way.
What do you think about being in need of other peoples’ affection in this way? What can you improve about your attitude towards expectations?