Or the Importance of Leaving the House
Am I a party girl? I love dancing and sometimes I have one drink, but I actually don’t like alcohol that much. And I certainly don’t need it to have fun. In a group of “the right kind of people” I am kind of a party animal. Leaving the party at 5 or 6 a.m.? No problem. Dancing the night away with that group of people we just met? Sure thing.
But I am finding myself around my friends that have all gotten a bit…boring? Not that they shouldn’t choose to live their lives without parties or going out altogether, but at 22/23-ish, I don’t understand how they can spend every night in, watching TV or maybe cooking dinner with their partner. I don’t say it’s a relationship problem (my single friends are the same, minus partner), but it certainly adds to the issue. Some of the girls are already settled, less interested in partying and more focused on their “grown-up” lives.
I went out with my girls from Uni the other night, most of whom have just graduated. Surprisingly, (most of them are in relationships), one of them said: “I am just not doing anything anymore. Not that I don’t like quieter evenings or simply sitting around in a bar for a night, but..I want to feel more carefree sometimes.” Of course, none of us promote heavy drinking in order to have fun and be loose. But simply jamming to some bad 90s music on the dance floor would be enough, Quickly, it was decided to look out for the next 90s party we could go to.
With being single, I find it hard to engage in those quiet activities sometimes. Sure, I love cooking, reading and simply hanging out at home as much as the next girl and ‘me-time’ is important. But for 21, I just miss the naive adventure. And there’s a special reason why I’m choosing those words.
I have been talking to this guy recently, we haven’t met up yet and I asked him, being close to 30, why he wouldn’t date (with a wink) ‘women his age’. I actually meant it because I have experienced that older guys like to think I am just stupid enough to believe anything they say because I am young and -presumably- naive and they are thrilled by that thought. Fun fact, I am not that stupid and I don’t fall for bad pick-up lines and great promises.
He explained that many (not all of them, of course) of the women around the age of 30 are…bitter. Just bitter when it comes to their outlook on life, they don’t like adventure anymore, everyone feels the need to start a family in a rush, even if they are not ready for it. If you’re open about not being ready for it, you fall behind being rated as the lifelong Bachelor/ette-to-be.
Maybe that’s why he wants to talk to women who he thinks have more of a free spirit. I hope it doesn’t sound too horrible explained like that because for me, it’s the other way round. Yes, I want to have fun and be adventurous, but I simply cannot date guys my age (meaning 20/21). They are most childish and don’t have ANY plans or dreams for the future and “living like there is no tomorrow” is just plain unattractive to me.
I came back from the meeting with the ladies. Brandnew stories in my head to process and newfound energy. Everyone had to catch up with the others’ lives, we hadn’t seen each other for over a year now. Even if it wasn’t about getting drunk or being super-adventurous at all, we had a great time and I felt like…myself again.
I am kind of scared when thinking about my future like that. I don’t want to be bitter about anything in 9 years or so, just because I am hitting the 30 mark and I feel like I haven’t gotten round to doing anything meaningful to myself. It’s certainly not about fulfilling other peoples’ expectations or doing something “because everyone does it”. Maybe that’s a good reminder to do the things you love right now, with people that are valuable to your growth. Life isn’t about reaching certain numbers or levels. We are constantly working towards the version of ourself that we want to see. And it’s definitely not about some guy on Tinder who tells you how to live your life. (Not related to the story above, but we might forget it otherwise ;))