Feminism

That Kind of Girl – A Love Letter to Ambivalence

Why do you have to be so silly all the time? 

She’s so intense.

You’re too much for me, I just wish you were a bit more relaxed.

It’s no surprise you’re single, you’re really high-maintenance.

I mean, you could lower your standards.

Nobody wants a woman who is so ice-cold.

You should talk less, it’s not cute.

 

If you asked me, I would probably say that I am an ambivert. I am quite shy in large masses of strangers, but I can be really outgoing and confident around people I know (and like). And people just don’t get that. They either think I am cold, don’t care about anything or am just shy and quiet or I am exaggerating, too loud and the “party all day, everyday” type.

If I am interested in a subject, I hyperfocus. I put all my energy and soul (if I have one, you never know or do you) into the project or discussion. I can voice my opinion, if I deem it necessary and I am not afraid to be the only one in the room with that opinion. I like to get into fights (verbal ones most of the time) because I like to see what people are made of. Guys especially. If I don’t care, I am silent.

I am always joking how I wouldn’t date myself, if I had the choice. In truth, it’s not a joke. I have been living with this brain for almost 21 years know and although we get along with each other pretty well, I know it’s perks and faults. I know how hard it can be to get along with me.

Here come the people telling you how to improve yourself. “Talk less, wear this, smile more, be less opinionated, be more outgoing, be more demure” – The common denominator is always “less” or “more”. Result? You’re not enough. Sorry to break the news to you, but if that girl over there that you just met tells you to lower your standards when it comes to anything and you will find the right job or guy for you, why would she be wrong? She’s an expert on your life and she only wants the best for you.

No she doesn’t. I am always in for other peoples’ input and advice, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to everything other people say. Especially if they are insulting your personality. And that’s the key and maybe the only thing you have to understand – THIS is you, it’s your character, it’s the way YOU act and the way you are shaping your path.

I am passionate about a lot of things other people don’t like.

I am strong-willed and I have high expectations when it comes to my relationships.

I give everything for those I love and I am cold-hearted with those who do me no good,

I talk a lot, but I am an even better listener.

I am not silly, I just like to have fun.

I don’t need to settle for anyone or anything, just so you’re not uncomfortable.

Yes, I am THAT kind of girl.

 

 

 

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